The Next Step
by Celey
Summary: A prelude to an existential discussion with a dead-eyed plastic desk toy.


It hadn't taken long before the inkling of an existential crisis had settled over his massive brain like a fog, especially as he stared at his To Steal list. Megamind sighed, as he walked through the empty streets towards his destination. Most everyone was shut in during his "reign of terror" despite his telling them to carry on with their lives as normal. He supposed it would take a few days for them to get accustomed to having no hero.

Soon, he reached the store he had been looking for. He dehydrated the locked door without so much as looking at it and had hardly raised his arm and aimed. No sense in flashy gestures when there was no one around to see it. His shoulders slumped, and he walked into the store. He grabbed a single item off a shelf; a desk toy and returned to City Hall, which was only a block away. He was almost startled when the doors to City Hall opened, and Minion greeted him.

"Welcome back, Sir. I was almost a little worried there," Minion gave a little nervous laugh. "You're usually not up this early! Why didn't you wake me up?"

Megamind gave a half-hearted grin. "After so much excitement these past couple of days, I thought you could use a little more rest."

"Aw, well, thank you, Sir," Minion said, smiling broadly. Then, he frowned after a little thought. "Hey, wait. You've never thought my rest was all that important before. What about that time you woke me up at 3 AM to show off your brand new plan of taking over Metro City with an army of robo-mosquitoes?"

Megamind gave him a blank stare. "Hm. Not sure I remember that one." He stroked chin thoughtfully and smirked. "But that does sound pretty ne-furious of me."

"Yes, Sir. It was a real shame you never got to use them on the city since they all went after you as soon as they were activated," Minion told him, nodding in his water-filled dome.

Megamind's bright, green eyes opened a little wider as the memory flashed in front of him. The smirk fell off his face, and he put a hand over his face. "Ugh, now I remember why I forgot that in the first place." He took his hand off his face and narrowed his eyes. He threw a hand up, the very hand holding the plastic desk toy and pressed forward. "Minion! Never remind me of that plan again!"

"I'll try to remember that, Sir! Er, try to remember to forget that, I mean!" Minion followed him into the main office.

Megamind sat down in his executive chair and placed the desk toy bird on the desk. He gave a sigh and looked at all the stuff in his evil office. Priceless works of art, more money than he had ever dreamed of, all manner of expensive electronics. When had stealing and acquiring interesting stuff gotten so... boring?

"So, ah... How are the world domination plans coming?" Minion asked, a curious note in his voice.

Megamind blinked and his gaze tore away from the stuff in the office and towards his faithful companion. Minion looked at him expectantly but also with a tinge of concern.

"After much plotting and predicting the outcomes and coming to terms with all the implications, I've decided... Not to take over the world," Megamind said, steepling his fingers and lowering his eyes back to his desk. He wasn't certain but he thought he heard a relieved noise come from the little fish.

"Oh, well, that's probably for the best!" Minion said, eager to encourage that decision.

Megamind nodded, though, he wasn't giving Minion much notice. "Figuring out what to do with Metrocity is bad enough, and not bad in the good bad way, as it is. I don't want the world, Minion. It's not worth the effort. The other heroes out there can't compare to Metro Man. And you know, my villainous "bro-thren" won't stand for it, besides. Remember the agreement we've made with the other villains? We don't step on their turf if they don't step on ours. Dealing with other villains can be so messy. It's enough for me to keep them from taking over my city now that Metro Man is gone." He felt that most villains didn't have the same set of standards he had, let alone his flare and style.

"Sounds like you're making an excellent decision, Sir. Oh, speaking of other villains, the Doom Syndicate has sent you a letter. Actually, there are several letters here. I got them last night, but you looked tired, so I thought I'd wait until morning to show you," Minion told him, placing the letters on his desk.

Megamind glanced up at Minion, a spark of curiosity lighting in his bright, green eyes. He grabbed one of the envelopes and opened it to read the letter inside. "Hm." He smiled a little. "The Doom Syndicate is congratulating me on killing Metro Man and taking over the city. Hmm, yes, I AM an amazing supervillain." He read on and frowned after a moment. "They still want me to join them, it looks like. How many times do I have to tell them I'm not interested in working with them? I'm way out of their lea-goo." He grumbled about to toss the letter to the side when he noticed a few other things. "Oh, well, that's nice. Throw in some thinly concealed threats, too." He rolled his eyes and crumpled the letter up before throwing it in the waste basket.

He opened another letter. He repeated the first few sentences in the letter out loud. "Dear Megamind, congratulations on defeating Metro Man, let's team up and take over the world..." He crumpled the letter up and threw it away with the other letter. He opened another letter and read down a few lines. "Backstab Judge Sludge, so that we can lead the Doom Syndicate..." He tore it up and threw it in with the rest of the trash. The other letters followed the same pattern. He opened the last letter.

Suddenly, a red flush came over him, turning his face and the tips of his ears a purple color. Megamind's eyes and mouth went wide with horror. Minion gave him an odd look. He was startled when Megamind suddenly took out his de-gun, set it to De-stroy, and zapped the letter into nothingness.

"Let me guess. Hot Flash?" Minion asked.

"That woman makes me uncomfortable, Minion," Megamind whispered, then shuddered.

There was an awkward silence. Minion was the first to break it since his boss was too busy trying to figure out how to concoct real brain bleach.

"So, if we're not taking over the world, what is the next step?"

Megamind's current line of thought halted. He looked up towards Minion. "Hmm?"

"The next step, Sir?" Minion asked, again.

"Still working on it. I haven't had much inspiration lately," Megamind said, shrugging.

"Maybe you just need some time to think. We have been doing a lot of..." Minion looked around, noting all the priceless works of art, cash, and other objects of value lying around. "Shoplifting."

Megamind glanced around the room, too. Then, he looked at the plastic bird he stole that morning. "Y-eeeep." He pushed his To Steal list towards Minion. "Why don't you go look for the rest of this, and I'll stay here and think."

Minion took the list and grinned. "Sure thing, Sir!" He frowned while looking at the list. "Wow. The list is getting smaller."

Megamind's eyes narrowed in irritation. "Minion," he grumbled.

"I'm going, I'm going. I'll see you later, Sir!" And with that, Minion turned and left.

With the time and solitude to think, Megamind set about doing that. At first, he tried doodling on some paper to help organize his thoughts. It did cheer him up a little bit, planning a "Megamind Day" parade with a slave army marching in perfect rhythm. But then, he thought about what Metro Man would do if he were still alive, and he scribbled over the little stick-figure doodle. He rested his head on the desk a moment, letting his thoughts run rampant. Morning turned to an afternoon of wadded up paper and scribbled out doodles, and he forgot lunch.

"Maybe I could transform the whole city into a giant robot that looks like myself," he muttered, starting to doodle again. He thought about all the work involved in such a massive undertaking. It would take a few months, maybe a year, but it was possible. It would be amazing. He couldn't stop the nagging thought from rising up. _And then? _

Who would appreciate a giant robotic monument to himself other than him? Would he even appreciate it? What was the point of a giant robot if there was no arch-enemy to use it on? All of that work just for it to sit and look pretty? He scribbled out the picture violently, then took the paper, wadded it up, and threw it at a sculpture worth a few million dollars. He put his giant blue head in his hands and groaned in frustration.

"It's pointless! POINTLESS!" He was so upset with the apparent plan-block he was going through that it was tempting to just start taking out the de-gun and destroying all the priceless works of art in his office. But even in that state, it seemed like a waste. He took in a deep breath and tried to calm down. Maybe he just needed to go for a relaxing swim.

He headed downstairs to another office of lesser importance. He had converted it to an indoor swimming pool... of cash. With all the thieving and causing mayhem in the city, he hadn't tried it out yet. He smiled a little at the swimming pool. He hopped up on the diving board and bounced on it a bit. Then, he did a not so graceful dive belly-first into the pool of cash. It was a soft landing, but it came at a price.

"AH! PAPERCUT! PAPERCUT! WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!" He swam out of the cash and pulled himself out of the pool, hissing between his teeth. It occurred to him how germ-covered paper money was, too, and the thought of an infected papercut sounded... unpleasant. He tightened his fists at his sides and stomped to the bathroom. He cleaned the little papercut up. Then, he went back to the office, planted his bottom on the executive chair, crossed his arms, and pouted. And pouted.

He scowled at the plastic bird on his desk. It's dead-eyed stare seemed to mock him. "What are YOU looking at?" The plastic bird didn't answer. Megamind gave another heavy, frustrated sigh. He opened the bottom desk drawer. He had explored the contents of the desk almost as soon as he took over City Hall. There was a bottle of what he assumed to be expensive, imported wine and a fairly big wine glass. He picked up the bottle and the glass and examined them with a cold, calculating stare.

"Maybe," he said bitterly, "I should take up drinking." He frowned, then shook his head, gazing forlornly at the desk. "Ugh, I'm too smart for that." He glanced back at the bottle and the wine glass. Well, a small, experimental gulp couldn't hurt. He reached for the bottle's cork and started to pull. It came out all too easily, which surprised him. He shrugged his shoulders and put his lips to the bottle, taking a small swig.

His face scrunched up immediately, and he spit it out over a stack of cash on his desk. He rubbed at his tongue with his rubber gloves. "Bleh, blagh, urgg..." It tasted worse than sweaty gym socks. A taste he knew all too well thanks to one particular battle with an adolescent Metro Man. He glared at the bottle, then glanced at the plastic bird. It was still staring at him. Judging. Mocking. He growled at it. "Oh, go ahead. Laugh at me. I'm just one big joke, aren't I? Ha ha ha. I spend my whole life, my ENTIRE life!" He made a wild hand gesture over himself, nearly dumping the contents of the bottle over him. "Trying to defeat Metro Man. To show the whole world how much BETTER I am than him. I could never do it right. Never. Failure after failure after failure... and then, when I finally do it?"

Megamind set the bottle down on the desk. "I'm a wreck. No plans. No future. I can't even be a successful evil overlord!" The plastic bird continued to stare. Megamind stared back, rage boiling up from inside of him. He grabbed the plastic bird and threw it. "QUIT MOCKING ME!" he screamed. The plastic bird landed harmlessly in another pile of cash. He inhaled and exhaled rapidly, taken aback by his own outburst. He gave a half-hearted grin and a laugh. "Look at me, talking to a plastic desk toy." He stood, taking the bottle and the glass to the bathroom. He spilled the bottle of horrible-tasting wine out into the sink.

He poured some water in the wine glass and drank a little from it. Then, he went back to his office, picking up the plastic bird. He fixed it on the wine glass and watched it dip its beak in the water before coming back up and doing it again. The repetitive motion was oddly comforting to him. He rested his head on the desk and stared at it. After some silence, he sighed. "I guess it's not so strange to talk to an inanna-mate object. It's not like I have anyone else to talk to." He paused. "Well, there's Minion, but he's a worrier. The less he knows, the better."

The plastic bird said nothing. "You know, he asked me the other day if I ever missed Metro Man. Miss him? Can you believe that?" Another laugh until his voice wavered with emotion. "I can believe it. Because I do. I miss Metro Man." His eyes started to tear up; he took a deep breath to steady himself. "I lied to Minion because, well, he just wouldn't understand, and he'd worry because of that. And you know how he is when he worries. He's... difficult." Deep, heart-felt conversations were not his strong suit, and he didn't like having them. Part of it was because it made a mockery of the "e-vil image" he tried so hard to cultivate, but the other part of it was because dealing with heavy emotions like sadness and dread and... dare he say it? Remorse? It was too overwhelming; it reminded him of the past, and he had always, _always_ preferred looking ahead. Minion did well at respecting his wishes to avoid such conversations most times, but if the little fish was worried enough, he would not rest until they talked about what was bothering him. Talking to something that couldn't talk back, that wouldn't lecture him, give him advice, or become distraught about his behavior was much easier.

Megamind continued watching the plastic bird. The stare didn't seem so mocking now. He could almost imagine he were talking to a kindred spirit. "You're not worried, though, are you? To you, your whole world is just that glass of water. You don't need to do anything except what you do. I wish I knew what to do." He heard the sound of a brain-bot and caught a glimpse of its glow as it passed by him. More stuff being brought in. Minion would be back soon.

He kept his gaze on the plastic bird. "I know, I know. Always thirsty, never satisfied. I understand you, little well-dressed bird." He swallowed, and it felt like the feelings were all crashing in on him now. "Purposeless, emptiness." He could _feel_ how empty his life was. Perhaps it always had been? He tried to dismiss that thought and continued his discussion. "It's a vacuum, isn't it?"

He lifted his head up and glanced at the plastic bird longingly. Above all the other "ness," loneliness was at the forefront of his being. Now, he wished the desk toy could talk. He needed to know more than anything that he wasn't alone, that there was someone else who felt like he did. "What's your vacuum like?"

But he already knew it wouldn't answer.


End file.
